This concept / idea / epiphany keeps coming back around. There is something very significant under the surface.
One sided promises with others lead to disappointment, conflict. They are at the source of most relationship problems.
One sided promises with ourselves reflect the 'shoulds' in our life and the inner critic who makes the one-side promise to ourself! It's the reason you don't do what you know you ought to do.
Let's begin with how one-sided promises jack up our outer world.
When you make a one-sided promise to others, you fail to get buy-in from the other party. I do this because I don't want to seek compromise. I don't want to leave it open to debate. I want to do it my way.
It's easier to make a one-sided promise than to get consensus. It's easier because we are under the illusion the other party will agree (even though they haven't).
An example many of us can relate to is the delusion we can have of our perfect mate. Our idea of that perfect mate never aligns to reality, does it?
The source of unmet expectations is a one-sided promise.
We don't want to hear your opinion.
One-sided promises are at the root of wars of the world. The current war in Ukraine stems from Putins' one-sided promise that Ukraine is part of 'mother Russia.' The people of Ukraine never agreed.
Disagreement is the first indication that a one-sided promise exists. We have to fight the natural urge to avoid it so we can find the pearl in the turd.
I first heard Jonah Hill speak of the Pearl in the Turd analogy in the documentary 'Stutz.' The idea is that within ever hardship is an upside - a pearl of possibility. It was his spin on Phil Stutz' String of Pearls concept that we can live life placing another pearl on a string, but within each pearl is a turd.
If Putin wasn't so anchored in his one-sided promise, he might see a new possibility. Rather than forcing Ukraine to fold into the Russian Federation, find a way to fold the Russian Federation into Ukraine. Ukraine could become a door to Russia, welcoming in others.